There are three versions of the Monkey King on Chinese television. And a fourth as rather bad animation on the aircraft channels. None of them is good, but one of them has actors who believe their subjects. They are all about Monkey and his two companions - of whom one is a humanoid pig - escorting a pious and naïve monk across the Himalayas to India to discover the Buddhist scriptures. He must battle legions of demons all the way, and thus face a different demon king every day on the never-ending television renditions of the epic journey.

But Monkey is doing this as recompense. It is his purgatory. A thousand years ago - maybe it was ten thousand years ago - he rebelled against Heaven. And failed of course. He was first pinioned under a mountain for a thousand - or ten thousand - years, then offered the chance of forgiveness but only if he played his leading part in bringing the scriptures back to China and thus converting the vast nation. Well, not really converting the nation. People, and monks, were Buddhists by intuition. They needed only schooling - rigour, guidance, and prohibitions. Monkey established the forbear of the Party, and was inducted into Heaven for his pains - and probably those of the Chinese people today. Watching any one of the Monkeys on television, and his running around on clouds, one hopes that today at least a demon king might finally teach the simian rascal a lesson. Like smash his simpering hairy face in. Crush his smug temples. Ram his golden quarterstaff up his ass until it shoots out of his gaping mouth. [...]