For all of you outside the US at the moment who might not be familiar with the yearly orgy of consumer excess and arteriosclerosis that is the National Football League's Super Bowl, let us give you a bit of background.
Every year, between January and February, certain post-bloodsport gladiators take to the field of glory under the sparkling, watchful eyes of roughly three quarters of the population of the United States.
The hallmarks for the day are carcinogen-enhanced slabs of meat, corn-derived snack objects optimized for mouthfeel, and a more than generous supply of what Europeans laughingly call beer. Extremely expensive advertising also festoons commercial breaks, scrolling lower thirds, stadiums, fans, commemorative beer hats, the internet, the playing field, dog sweaters, countertops, convenience store displays, and every single other available surface during the game and for the weeks preceding.
This year the annual contest takes place in beautiful downtown Phoenix, Arizona, between the New York Jets and the New England Patriots.
The passions that arise for this event are high, even among those people that do not ordinarily give a fig about football. Let's hear it for the mob mentality and fair-weather fandom.
Emotions during the game are so elevated, in fact, due to the heady lubrication of alcohol and hot wings, that certain thinkers in the vicinity wonder what would happen if the following were to occur:
Say one was to come by
this handy little device. If one were to set oneself up in a public house which was featuring the coming Sunday's festivities, and deploy the device during opportune intervals (say, for example, while the QB's Hail Mary was in the air, 3rd and 10, six seconds to go at the half, score 18-16, losers have possession).
Experimenters might gauge to what magnitude the crown manifests their reaction as a study of a variety of factors, for example, the aforementioned mob mentality, the varying influences of alcohol, and the place violence has in our seemingly complacent middle-class American society.
Male experimenters might want to wear an athletic supporter in the event of their exposition. Female experimenters should endeavor to show cleavage and maintain wide-eyed innocence (these precautions come as a result of the study of other sociological phenomena regarding the different reactions to the sexes in times of emotional duress and confusion).
If one were to undertake this experiment, one might report back to this author, in the interests of furthering the worldwide body of knowledge as a whole.
posted by
simone,
Thursday, January 31, 2008
